In case you missed it, this is the second part of a three part series of an article written by an older friend of the blog. I asked for an article to share wisdom that Mr. K has learned and any advice to pass on to the young professional generation. In the first part, Mr. K discussed his professional success, how he saved, invested and took risks. In this part, we continue with Mr. K talking about how he found success in other areas of his life.

Human beings are all different.  No two of us are equal.  We are each unique entities.  However, there are certain characteristics that are shared by all of mankind.  For example: all human beings have a selfish side and a selfless side.  A second example is that given the essential freedoms, all human beings will pursue their individual self-interests.

As a Christian, I believe in a Superior being, God.  God cast us (mankind) out of Eden, where we had no needs, because we have a selfish side of our nature that is highly corruptible.  He cast us out when we were corrupted by Satan, and we landed in Satan’s domain, where we had needs.  We needed food, water, clothing, and shelter in order to survive.  We needed to call on our self-interest in order to survive.  Survival is, probably, the most intense self-interest characteristic in most human beings.  So what happens when my self-interest confronts your self-interest and the resources are scarce?  We have a conflict.  Since there is not enough for both of us, one of us is going to be denied the desired resource.  How is this conflict resolved?  Survival of the fittest!  I think that a case can be made for the fact that ALL conflicts are the result of a collision of self-interests, (because groups have self-interests too).  So pursuit of self-interest rests in the selfish side of our bodies.  There is good news and bad news in this revelation.  The good news is that we need the selfish side of our being in order to survive; and in more advanced societies, to flourish.  The bad news is that the rewards offered by our selfish side (wealth, and/or power, and/or fame) are false gods; golden idols, if you will.  I want you to test my logic here.  Imagine every luxury that you want.  Imagine what you would do with unlimited power and fame.  I would tire of these things.  Would you?  Most people would say “yes” to that question.  Read on and I will try to explain another side of life that could be at least as important as survival.  

What I have described to you, up to this point, is how to amass enough wealth to allow you to maintain your desired standard of living until you die.  I have revealed how I used my talents to reach this selfish goal.  I, now, need to show you the other side of my life.

It turns out that God left a tendril of control over us when He cast us out of Eden.  That tendril is the selfless side of our being.

It all starts when you get married.  Humans marry for one reason: every person needs primary love.  Primary love can only come from a spouse.  Therefore, look for a spouse who loves you and whom you love.  You can test your love by asking yourself, “Do I think of my potential spouse first, most of the time?”  An affirmative answer to that question means that YOU are ready to marry.  Now you have to feel that your potential spouse feels the same for you.  If that is the case, then you are ready to marry each other.  Then comes the tough part.  You have to nurture that feeling of “my spouse first” by your actions: 24x7x52xlifespan.  You won’t be 100% successful in this endeavor, but if you are in that mode most of the time you will be able to thrive as a family.  And children (if you teach them to live with you, and NOT you learning to live with them) will cement the marriage.  Back to the wealth side for the moment: a divorce kills a financial plan.

There is one absolute killer for a marriage, and that killer is: Infidelity.  I believe that everyone will be tempted in their life.  Each of us will find someone other than our spouse that is attractive to us.  Even if the victimized spouse stays in the marriage, the trust is gone; and with it: the unconditional love.  My wife is rare.  She loves with all of her fiber.  It’s as though she put her heart in my hands and said, “You have my happiness in your hands.  You can revere it or crush it; it is strictly up to you.”  Needless to say, I would never do anything to lose one ounce of that love.  Because if you lose an ounce, you’ve lost it all.

The secret to my life is that I’ve lived a balanced life.  I have had time for work and time for my family.  I tried to keep the ratio at 60% family/40% work.  It didn’t always work out that way, but once the kids were off to college, and my wife was working too; 50%/50% became easy to maintain. 

The first thing that we have to know about life is that EVERY human has a selfish side and a selfless side of their being.  When I talk about a balanced life, God jumps into the equation.  As a family, we went to church every Sunday.  Now when I look back on my life, I see that LIFE offers the following positives: wealth, and/or power, and/or fame (which is won by the selfish side of our being); AND peace and/or happiness (which is won by the selfless side of our being which is ruled by God).  So a balanced life means that you need to find a balance between the selfish and selfless sides of your being in order to get all 5.  A good start on the achieving peace and happiness is making a habit of going to church (EVERY WEEK), and make sure that your kids go as well.

My goodness, that is real wisdom, if I have to say so myself.  It all boils down to: Love God, love your family, and love your neighbor as yourself.  That last one is where all the problems are created.  I try to keep my prejudices and likes/dislikes on an individual basis.  I feel that it is a sin to dislike groups of people.  I feel that disliking an individual is defensible before God.  No guarantee that I am right on that one.

YMF Note: I really liked how Mr. K shared wisdom on leading a successful life outside of just a good job and a good paycheck. Early on in my career I set a goal to have BALANCE in my career and personal life. This of course has only gotten more challenging as both my career and personal life have grown (Promotions, job changes, Mrs. Money and BabyMoneyFinance). I too believe that balance has a religious aspect and I too am a Christian, I actually met Mr. K at my in-laws church. Balance will look differently for every person, so figure out what it looks like for you! In the next post, Mr. K will wrap this up by pulling both the personal and professional aspects of our lives together.